In light of a recent and relevant weighty event in my life, I'm following up the previous post with another.
First, thank you for your comments. I so appreciate your thoughtful and supportive remarks. Right now, every option is on the table for me. I'm not closing my mind to Temple marriage, a gay relationship, or celibacy at this point. I support fellow MoHos in whatever they decide is right for them.
Also, while I do have a few differences with the LDS Church (such as the nightmare that was Prop8), I believe in the Gospel and love the Church on the whole. One commenter, a disaffected member of the Church, posted his view of disillusion with the Church, and that's fine with me. My entire post was something of a gripe about the Church, and I understand that some of these issues (amongst others) can cause a member to leave the Church. Some feel it is best to ignore these things--putting them on the religious 'shelf'--and I fully understand this as well (the reason for my little warning before launching into my back row quibbles). However, I personally do tend to confront these things (for better or worse) while still keeping in mind the easy possibility of intellectualizing oneself out of the Church. While I would never presume to pass judgment on another's religious beliefs, I do take great comfort in the Gospel, and see the Church as a vehicle for it. As such, I do value my membership.
With all these ideas whirling around in my head, I thought it a bitter irony when someone I'm very close to told me they do not have a testimony. We talked about it; the person claimed to have never had a real belief in the Gospel. I bore my testimony, but it did little.
In some ways the situation is a mirror that shows a slightly altered version of my own position. Again I find myself wondering about the eternal consequences of leaving the Church... And how I have no problem with atheists, but when a person I'm close to comes out as one, it's a bit...different (which is similar to my mother's reaction when I came out as gay)...
It's a lot to think about. I find myself deeply saddened by this person's disbelief. (It gives me reason to evaluate my own future with (or without) the Church.) I feel so devastated by this because I worry about this close friend's happiness and everything else that's at stake.
A bit hypocritical of me? I'm not sure--I just want the best for this person.