Wow. Yesterday I read that February 25, 2010 will be the 10th anniversary of Stuart Matis's suicide. Today in Seminary, I checked the class calendar to see when my upcoming devotional was. I had unwittingly signed up for February 25, 2010.
Is there such a thing as a coincidence?
What gets me is not only the coincidence of the dates, but also the fact that this comes at a time when I am already seriously considering coming out. Just thinking about it makes me nervous, confused, scared, and exhilarated. It would be so characteristic of me to talk about coming out, say I'm not ready 'just yet', plan to do it 'someday' when I am ready, and then never go through with it. Maybe this date, this highly improbable 'coincidence', happened so that I have a concrete window, a 'perfect opportunity', to take the plunge. If you've been reading this blog for a while you know that I like/want/need to be absolutely 100% sure about things, but I'm finding that, frustratingly, life is rarely that simple. What I desire is certainty; what I need is faith. So, I think I will try to find a quiet place to spend some time deep in thought and prayer this weekend.
And then I will seek to follow the Spirit and my heart.
"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." ~Dr Martin Luther King, Jr