October Conference

Lately, I've been thinking of coming back to the Church. I'm planning a post about this later, but the bottom line is, I'm realizing that Mormonism is my home.

So, I was encouraged by Pres. Uchtdorf's talk to those who have left the Church or are on their way out. It was fair, sympathetic, thoughtful. And then today, Dallin Oaks's reinforcement of the party line on gay marriage, etc., was a reality check on Uchtdorf's kumbaya, a reminder that it's business as usual.

Uchtdorf reminded me what I love and miss about the Church; Oaks reminded me why I left.

And I still don't know which is stronger--I love(d) being Mormon, but I am gay. I want a marriage and a family, and that would have to be with a person I could fully love on a romantic, emotional, and physical level--in all likelihood, another man, in other words. And yet, it is a Mormon family I want, and it is probably my Mormon upbringing that has made family so important to me in the first place. They are the same, unified desire -- being gay and being Mormon are inextricable from each other and from my being.

Is it possible for a gay couple to have a place in the Church? Watching the videos from the Affirmation conference last month (which I really wish I could have gone to), I felt hope that it was possible. Listening to Uchtdorf yesterday, I was encouraged by the invitation that "There is room for you here." Listening to Oaks today, I wonder if there ever truly will be. Is it worth it to try--risk?--finding out?


MoHoHawaii said...

Hi FLeeS,

If you live in an area where gay people are widely accepted, such as the West coast or New England, you can probably go to your local LDS ward as a non-celibate gay person and not be excommunicated or denied all fellowship. This is especially true if it's in a large metropolitan area. However, you won't ever get a temple recommend or be allowed to hold significant callings. They won't let you anywhere near children.

Gay people sitting alone in the pews is mostly OK these days. However, attending church as a same-sex couple is less likely to be allowed. Generally, if you attend an LDS with a same-sex partner, you will be denied fellowship, except in a very small handful of locales such as the Oakland CA Stake.

Attending an LDS ward with your same-sex spouse and children is territory that really hasn't been well explored. It probably wouldn't end well, even in the most liberal LDS communities. The kids would end up getting too many negative messages about their family. It's not something I'd ever ask of my kids.

If you want to go back to church, give it a shot. Just be sure to set boundaries. Decide in advance what you will and won't allow the Church to do and realize that there's a good chance it might not work out. If you go in with realistic expectations, you might have a good experience and do some good along the way.

BTW, you are as Mormon as you want to be. LDS, Inc. doesn't own the word Mormon, as much as it tries to do this.

Molly said...

Mormonism is a tiny little corner of an insignificant rock on an entire planet of people and culture. You can do better than the LDS church, and you can find a community that gives you what you need without compromising your integrity.