Beating a Retreat

I feel that I've made a lot of progress in the past week. I had a little epiphany of sorts on Monday. Then, yesterday, I met Bravone for breakfast; we had a great conversation and his advice is very helpful (thanks again, Bravone!).

I won't go into specifics, because I still don't know where I specifically am, but suffice it to say my "aha moment"--as Oprah would call it--centered around the realization that I cannot continue to look for loopholes to justify my hopes (regardless of what path I end up taking). Then, over breakfast yesterday morning, we agreed that one can intellectualize oneself out of the Church, as I probably have come close to doing.

Anyway, I'm leaving to spend the next two weeks or so with the aunt that I've referred to in previous posts (yes, the very one who warned me about relying too heavily on logic). It'll be a great chance to talk to her about everything and just think about the direction I'm to go in--without some of the pressures I juggle here on the home front. I don't expect to have a clear answer on return--nor would I necessarily want that--but I hope it will be a time to "re-orient" myself (no pun intended) and gain some more clarity.

In sum, it's not that I've come closer to a decision, it's that my way of thinking has changed, in the following aspects:

  1. I am no longer going to comb through Church doctrine searching for technicalities to justify a homosexual partnership.

  2. I will view my struggle and my options with the lens of faith, not the lens of skepticism that I fear has permeated my thinking for the past while.

  3. I will trust in myself to make the right decision based on my dependence on Heavenly Father. I have spent far too much emotional capital in anxiety over this.


Bravone said...

Frank, Why couldn't I have thought so clearly and searched so deeply to understand when I was your age? It was such a pleasure to talk with you. You are amazingly grounded. I now understand why my son said that you are "a way good kid."

I have great respect for you. As I mentioned, I and others may offer advice, but the journey is yours. I have come to so appreciate the agency Father has given us. It is amazing that he loves and trusts us with such a gift.

I have confidence that you will chart your course and follow it with determination.

Good luck my friend,

Frank Lee Scarlet said...

Thank you so much for your advice and encouragement!
You really are a great example to me and all those lucky enough to be around you.

j4k said...

Nice Blog. Good to meet you at logan last night. All this logic talk reminds me of a couple quotes from Star Trek 6. Kirk (representing passion and emotion) is talking to Spock, (obviously representing logic) and says "We're both extremists, reality is somewhere in between."

Later Spock is talking to his protege, a young Vulcan, who has questioned Spock's logic, to which Spock replies,

"Logic, logic, logic... Logic is the beginning of understanding, not the end."

Emotion and Logic are both legs of the stool or reason. I would add the third leg is the divine. God gives us just enough, but then expects us to figure it out with our passion and reason. With all three we are able to work out our lives and salvation.

Frank Lee Scarlet said...

Thanks for reading, j4k! Nice to meet you last night, too.
I really like what you said there. I'm always afraid that I sometimes let logic go too far, so thanks for the advice. I definitely agree that it's possible to put too much stock in our logic.
"Logic is the beginning of understanding, not the end." <--I'll keep that in mind!